Say goodbye to 2019 with horror and action.
END OF DAYS (1999)
I was sixteen years old when the calendar flipped over from 1999 to 2000, which means I had to spend sixteen years listening to people ponder whether or not the world was going to end in some major Biblical event as soon as the clock struck midnight (in what time zone they never specified) on January 1, 2000. Since so many people had the end of the world on their mind in 1999, Universal was clever to play into that with their film End of Days, which was released at the end of November in '99. The film's trailer had some extra fun with the year, pointing out that 1999 was 6661 upside down.
I remember going to see End of Days in the theatre with my parents, even though they were in the midst of a divorce - papers had been filed three years earlier, and the divorce wouldn't be finalized until 2000. Which we all made it to after nothing happened when 1999 switched to 2000. I enjoyed the movie, but haven't rewatched it many times in the twenty years since.
After Sam Raimi and Guillermo del Toro had been offered the chance to bring the Andrew W. Marlowe script to the screen and passed, End of Days nearly became the feature directorial debut of Marcus Nispel. That didn't work out and Nispel's first movie ended up being the Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake in 2003. At the encouragement of his Terminator buddy James Cameron, star Arnold Schwarzenegger brought Peter Hyams (who had worked with Jean-Claude Van Damme on Timecop and Sudden Death) on to the direct the film... a choice Schwarzenegger later regretted because he felt Hyams didn't do the concept justice. Hyams seemed to enjoy making the movie, though.
Schwarzenegger plays an alcoholic former New York detective named Jericho Cane, and that name lets us know we're in goofy action flick territory here, even though Jericho's a rougher, more complicated character than the average person Schwarzenegger had played up to this point. He's deeply depressed over the deaths of his wife and daughter, and the movie handles this in a wobbly way. One minute we're watching Jericho contemplate suicide, the next we're supposed to be laughing at his broken down state because he starts the day by making a blended drink of coffee, Pepto Bismol, a splash of beer, a banana, left over Chinese food, and a slice of pizza that was on the floor. Jericho has become an atheist because of what happened to his family, which makes him an unlikely hero when he has to take on the villain of this movie - who happens to be Satan himself.
Satan arrives in New York City on December 28, 1999. His arrival is preceded by a series of explosions that erupt along a street, then he emerges from the flames in the form of an invisible, flying, bat-like creature that swoops into a restaurant and dives into the body of a banker played by Gabriel Byrne. When the possessed banker leaves the restaurant, the places explodes for no reason other than this is an action movie, so explosions are required.
The devil has come to NYC because it's the home of twenty-year-old Christine York (Robin Tunney), who is prophesied to be the mother of his child, the Antichrist, because she was born during a certain astrological event in 1979. Devil worshipers were really on their game that night. This baby girl with the prophesied birthmark popped out in a hospital where a good number of the staff were in league with Satan and a doctor played by Udo Kier was there to feed the baby some rattlesnake blood just minutes after she was born. Christine was then unknowingly surrounded by devil worshipers as grew up.
So what it all comes down to is that Jericho ends up taking on the task of protecting Christine from Satan. As if that weren't enough, he also has to protect her from rogue knights from the Vatican who want to kill her to make sure she can't conceive the Antichrist. Given how many followers Satan has working to ensure that this "mating with Christine" plan will go through, it's somewhat crazy that Jericho, his comic relief sidekick Bobby Chicago (Kevin Pollak), and some Vatican knights all reach Christine before Satan does... But that's what happens when Satan seems to wander around aimlessly for more than 24 hours and takes a break to have a threesome with Udo Kier's wife and college student daughter.
Given that I was about to turn sixteen when I first saw this movie, it's probably no surprise that the threesome scene is one that I've most clearly remembered over the decades. And what a threesome it is; the three bodies merge together like they're characters from Society, while Limp Bizkit plays on the soundtrack, Fred Durst singing about "you gotta talk that shit, you gotta keep that dog-ass breath, all up in my face." Sexy, isn't it?
The film does have a very 1999 soundtrack. Limp Bizkit, Korn, Everlast, Rob Zombie, Powerman 5000, Eminem, Creed. Guns N' Roses even contributed a song, which was a big deal at the time because of the Terminator 2 connection and because it was the first song the band had released in several years.
Rewatching End of Days now, I find that it doesn't hold up all that well. I can understand why it was buried in negative reviews when it came out. Schwarzenegger was clearly putting his all into it, he was trying to make this something special, but it's kind of clunky. Things really pick up in the second half, but there are some dull stretches in that first half.
Schwarzenegger had a strong supporting cast in this film, with Byrne, Tunney, and Pollak all doing well with what they had to work with. Rod Steiger almost steals the show when he's on the screen as a priest. The movie isn't great, but it has some great elements.
And it's about Arnold Schwarzenegger fighting Satan. The concept alone earns it some points.
ANNABELLE COMES HOME (2019)
The first time we saw Annabelle, the creepy-looking doll that has a demon attached to it, was at the beginning of The Conjuring, when the doll was locked up in the artifacts room of married paranormal investigators Ed and Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson and Vera Farmiga). Clearly that was the end of Annabelle's reign of terror, so it made sense when the spin-off films Annabelle and Annabelle: Creation turned out to be prequels. But what if being locked away in the Warren house wasn't the end for Annabelle?
Gary Dauberman has written both previous Annabelle movies (and the Conjuring 2 spin-off The Nun), and he chose to make his feature directorial debut with a third Annabelle story, one which picks up at the exact moment the Warrens took Annabelle in The Conjuring. An opening sequence then shows us that Annabelle, serving as a conduit for other spirits, caused some spooky things to happen during the ride to the Warren home. I was just glad to be spending more time with Wilson and Farmiga's Ed and Lorraine, as those characters are my favorite thing about this entire Conjuring franchise and I never expected them to have substantial screen time in one of the spin-offs. I thought they would stay in the films titled The Conjuring and not venture out into the wider universe.
Eventually Annabelle is placed in her glass case in the artifacts room, and from that point on the film shifts focus from Ed and Lorraine to their young daughter Judy (Mckenna Grace). Ed and Lorraine go on a trip and Judy is left with her babysitter Mary Ellen (Madison Iseman), who is a good, responsible kid. Unfortunately for Judy and Mary Ellen, Mary Ellen has a friend named Daniela (Katie Sarife), who is emotionally troubled and ends up causing things to go very wrong in the Warren house.
At first, Daniela just seems to be the typical troublemaker, as she sneaks into the artifacts room while no one is looking and opens Annabelle's case. Thankfully, we'll come to find out that the character actually has some depth and has a believable reason for the ill-advised thing she does. She recently lost her father in a car accident she blames herself for and is desperately trying to find proof that an afterlife exists. I can understand where she's coming from and cut her some slack.
Annabelle's not cutting anyone any slack, though. Once free from her case, she goes back to her spirit conduit business and orchestrates a terrifying night for the three girls - and Mary Ellen's love interest Bob (Michael Cimino).
The majority of Annabelle Comes Home is composed of scenes in which Judy and the teens stumble around in the dark and then scream their way through set pieces involving various spirits that have been contained in the artifacts room. There's a haunted samurai suit, a bridal gown that turns people violent, a hellhound, corpses with coins on their eyes to pay the Ferryman with, etc.
Just watching these characters walk around and get scared did get tiring to me after a while, but I was still left with the feeling that Annabelle Comes Home was a solid spookshow. I would choose Annabelle: Creation over it, but it's still a step up from the first Annabelle, and that's the important thing.
The one big issue I have with Annabelle Comes Home is that Dauberman seems to have overlooked the fact that Lorraine's psychic ability allowed her to sense that there was trouble at home (trouble involving Annabelle) even while she and Ed were off investigating something else in the first Conjuring movie. She went rushing home to help their daughter. Here Lorraine is completely oblivious that there's paranormal activity at her home while she's away. That's odd, and that's the kind of sloppiness you get from the Conjuring universe.
THE GALLOWS: ACT II (2019)
I was more impressed by the behind the scenes story of the 2015 film The Gallows than I was by the movie itself. The writing/directing duo of Travis Cluff and Chris Lofing managed to get together enough cash to shoot their own movie, then uploaded a trailer for their indie movie to the internet. That trailer was such a viral hit that Blumhouse was convinced to come on board the project and paid for extensive reshoots. Then the finished film ended up getting a summer theatrical release from New Line Cinema and earned over $40 million at the global box office. That's a terrific success story. But the movie itself didn't do anything for me. The concept was cool - a supernatural hangman stalks a group of teens through the halls of their high school after hours - but the execution was underwhelming. I was left feeling like I might have liked The Gallows more if it hadn't been shot in the found footage style, which I tend to be annoyed by, and if there had been more characters for the hangman to hang. Basically, if it had been more like a traditionally shot slasher movie.
For the sequel The Gallows: Act II, Cluff and Lofing do leave the found footage style behind, but unfortunately they don't take the same approach of having the spirit knock off a group of teens one-by-one. This is one of the rare instances where the filmmakers have attempted to make a sequel that has more substance than its predecessor. But this approach to the material just didn't work for me, either.
One positive thing I can say about The Gallows: Act II is that lead actress Ema Horvath delivers a strong performance in the lead role of teenage aspiring actress Auna Rue. Horvath proves capable of carrying a film and handling anything Cluff and Lofing throw at her, and I think she could have a great career ahead of her. Despite her best efforts, she just couldn't keep this movie from being a slog to get through.
Cluff and Lofing were clever to start the sequel with a found footage opening that works as a transition between the styles of the two films. They could have kept the found footage thing going, since Auna has a YouTube channel and is desperately seeking followers, but the traditional shooting style is appreciated here. Act II is well shot, the directors and cinematographer Kyle Gentz were able to capture some cool imagery, particularly in the spirit attack scenes. That's not an issue. The movie's problems are in the pacing and the writing.
We meet Auna just as she's starting to attend Fellbrook High School, a place known for its "insane" drama program and for being the alma mater of a famous Broadway couple. A scout from the NYU Tisch School of the Arts will be stopping by later in the year in search of a student to give a scholarship to, and Auna wants to be that student. With the pressure weighing heavily on her, she flubs an audition where she tries to deliver a monologue from a childhood favorite, Return to Thayolund. We see a bit of Return to Thayolund and it looks like a bad direct-to-video 2019 fantasy movie, but it's supposed to be an old school classic, complete with a synth score. At least the bit of that score we hear is cool. Things take a turn for the horrific when a fan of Auna's YouTube channel points her in the direction of a play called The Gallows. It seems it has become popular among teens to read from this play, even though they risk being cursed by the spirit of Charlie Grimille if they do. You know Charlie, the high school kid who was accidentally hanged for real during a production of The Gallows back in 1993, so now his ghost goes around hanging others.
Although Charlie scores two kills in the first 6 minutes of the movie, he's in no hurry to off Auna. She draws his attention with more than an hour left in the overstuffed 100 minute running time, and what follows is one of the most unengaging hauntings I have ever witnessed. Auna has visions of the hangman as the movie spins its wheels through one awkward, poorly paced scene after another. Did you come to The Gallows: Act II wanting to see the ghost of Charlie hang more victims? Well, after the opening you're going to have a long wait before you get to see any of that again. In the meantime, you'll get more than enough scenes following Auna's slow psychological and physical breakdown, plus scenes of her striking up a relationship with former child actor Cade (Chris Milligan), being pressured by her "fan" to delve deeper into the Charlie curse, having arguments with her unsupportive sister Lisa (Brittany Falardeau), and checking her YouTube view count.
Maybe some viewers will be able to bring themselves to care about what's going on with Auna and Charlie, but I found this to be an achingly dull movie that was a struggle to endure. As the end credits began after the eye-rolling climax, I came to the unexpected realization that I actually enjoyed the first movie more than this one. I didn't like the first movie, but I got even less out of watching Act II.
The review of The Gallows: Act II originally appeared on ArrowintheHead.com
YES, MADAM! (1985)
As I become more acquainted with the filmography of action heroine Cynthia Rothrock, I have realized that she has a signature move that has shown up in several of her movies. It involves an enemy coming at her from the front, so she's able to lean forward and swing a leg up over her head to kick her opponent in their head. Rothrock made her screen debut in director Corey Yuen's martial arts action comedy Yes, Madam!, and in her introductory moment she does a variation on this move that doesn't work as well. An enemy comes up behind her and Rothrock kicks her leg up so she can kick the guy in the face over her shoulder. While she is able to kick up over her head, her foot doesn't actually go over her shoulder, so this move is clearly faked, it looks goofy. The signature move is much better, because she actually does tap the other actors on the head with her foot while leaning forward.
Yes, Madam! is a fun martial arts movie with some cool fight scenes, some impressive stunt work, and some flashy gunplay. Rothrock plays Inspector Carrie Morris, who has flown in to Hong Kong to investigate the murder of a fellow Scotland Yard investigator, who happened to be having a fling with Hong Kong Inspector Ng - played by Michelle Yeoh in her first lead role.
Yeoh is the lead, with Rothrock earning second billing and taking on a role that had originally been written to be a man, a Bruce Lee type. The producers were so impressed when they saw Rothrock's martial arts skills while they were looking for this Bruce Lee successor that they decided to change the character's gender, and Rothrock stepped in as the tough Scotland Yard Inspector whose harsh ways earn her the nickname Nasty White Bitch. Yes, the Delaware-born Rothrock is playing someone from England, but whether or not she can pull off an accent was irrelevant on this production. All of the lines were dubbed and Morris only speaks in Cantonese - which Rothrock didn't speak. She was just spouting gibberish on set.
The MacGuffin of the film is a microfilm that contains a forged contract for a business deal. It doesn't matter much. The Scotland Yard Inspector was killed for the microfilm, but it ends up in the hands of a trio of knuckleheaded criminals who report to an "Old Master" (played in a cameo by Sammo Hung) who lives in a nursing home where he's been on some kind of diet where he's allowed to eat cookies but not allowed to eat chicken. A surprisingly large amount of this movie focuses on these criminals bumbling around and being goofballs.
Yes, Madam! gets off to a great start, with Ng busting a flasher in a bookstore by smashing his genitals in the pages of a book, then having to thwart an armored truck robbery as soon as she steps outside. That made me assume the movie was going to be more of an intense action flick than the comedy show it turned out to be, but I enjoyed it despite the twist on expectations.
Another thing I wasn't expecting is the fact that music from John Carpenter's Halloween score kept showing up on the soundtrack. I don't know how that came about.
If you try to watch Yes, Madam! and the comedy puts you off, I would still recommend sticking around for the climactic action, as there is some awesome stuff in those final scenes. Including my absolute favorite moment of the entire film. It happens when one of the main baddies decides to rush at Morris from the front and she turns his attack against him by leaning forward, swinging a leg back up over head, and kicking him in the face.
Rothrock's signature move was even in her very first movie.
No comments:
Post a Comment