Books I Have Read in 2022: The First 13

In the midst of all the writing I do, I'm also endeavoring to read 52 books in 2022. Here are my thoughts on the first 13 books I read this year:

A GREYER SHADE OF WHITE by Constantine Furman 

A Greyer Shade of White reminded me somewhat of the 1985 comedy film The Heavenly Kid, which was about a teenage protagonist being assigned a guardian angel who's trying to earn his way into Heaven. In this case, the teenage protagonist isn't visited by an angel, but instead the big boss, God... in the form of a young girl who can fly from place to place as a ladybug. The stakes are also bigger, as God has come to Earth because Archangel Michael has been pushing for the apocalypse and the Almighty wants to find a reason not to destroy the world. It's up to young Andrew (who has an epically long last name that might be a nod to a Kevin Kline moment in A Fish Called Wanda) to find a way to convince God that the Earth is worth preserving.

Author Constantine Furman doesn't let the threat of apocalypse make the story get too serious at any point; this book is packed with silly moments and ridiculous lines, and would probably find its best audience in readers who are around the same age as Andrew and have a fondness for irreverence. This is a book that is so disinterested in taking itself seriously that we're even treated to a scene in the midst of the story where two supporting characters are shown to be aware that they only exist within a book. There's no reason for their ability to break the fourth wall and it's barely explored further, it's just a goof. I found it off-putting, but admit that it fit the overall tone.

I couldn't tell you why this book is called A Greyer Shade of White, it could have done with a more fitting and appealing title, but it is a quick and fun read. From time to time the silliness slows down enough to allow for some terrific conversations and honest emotion, and I would have liked to see a longer version of this story that dug even deeper into the lead character's mental and emotional state. But that wouldn't have been fitting for the style of this telling. There are certainly imperfections to be found - a few proof-reading issues, a confusing moment involving a rainy street and a subway car, and the occasional descriptive passage that reads like a screenplay rather than a novella - but it's entertaining and wacky enough that it's easy to let the issues slide. 

CONFESSIONS OF A PUPPETMASTER: A HOLLYWOOD MEMOIR OF GHOULS, GUTS, AND GONZO FILMMAKING by Charles Band, with Adam Felber

I was disappointed when I saw that Confessions of a Puppetmaster wasn’t even 300 pages long… but honestly, I probably wouldn’t have been fully satisfied with page count unless this book was over 1000 pages. It’s the memoir of Charles Band, the founder of Full Moon Entertainment, who has produced over 350 movies in his nearly 50 years in the film industry. I would have loved if he spent a few pages on each one of those movies, talking about how they came together and reminiscing about the experience of making them. But I realize that would have made the book incredibly niche, ensuring that it would only be read by a handful of Full Moon fans. The approach Band took instead makes his book much more accessible to the average reader; it’s not necessary to be a Full Moon devotee to be captivated by the story of this producer’s life. And in less than 300 pages, he covers it all. His childhood, business endeavors like selling leatherbound copies of the New York Times and getting into video distribution, wacky adventures, illnesses, love and loss. Starting movie companies like Empire and Full Moon. The ups and downs of those companies. The time his house was firebombed. What it was like to own a castle in Italy. From 1951 (the year of his birth) to 2020 (when he didn’t let the pandemic stop him from continuing to make new Full Moon content), it’s all in there. Sometimes in broad strokes, but there nonetheless. As a lifelong fan of Marvel Comics and their characters, I was also happy to hear that Marvel was a major inspiration for Full Moon, the cinematic universe Band has built with the Full Moon productions, and the way he keeps fans in the loop through his Video Zone videos.

I was fascinated by Confessions of a Puppetmaster and I think other readers with even a passing interest in the life of a B-movie producer will be as well. Even if they haven’t watched Full Moon movies. 

And if Band ever wants to write that epic tome that tells everything there is to know about every single one of his productions, I’ll be on board for that too.

THE GIRL BEFORE by JP Delaney

The chapters of this thriller novel jump back and forth in time to tell the stories of two women, Emma and Jane, who have some major things in common: both of them have moved into the same place, a recently constructed home that was designed by an odd architect Edward Monkford. Monkford screens any potential tenants and demands that anyone who moves into this home live an extreme minimalist lifestyle. He is quite eccentric, but neither Emma nor Jane are put off by him. In fact, they both end up in intimate relationships with him. But why was the house vacant so that Jane could move in? Something happened to Emma – and Jane soon finds out that she died in the house. Now Jane’s life may be in danger as well. And JP Delaney does a great job of keeping the reader’s attention while the mystery unravels, with plenty of twists and turns along the way. The story of The Girl Before is told from the perspectives of the two women and the writing so convincingly conveys Emma and Jane’s thoughts and feelings, even while dealing with subjects like sexual assault and the loss of a child, that I was left thinking Delaney might be a woman as well. But it turns out Delaney is a sixty-year-old man. And a hell of a writer.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD by Quentin Tarantino

Quentin Tarantino's movie Once Upon a Time in Hollywood has been described as a “hang out movie” with nothing much driving it along from scene to scene, but it’s actually a great example of set-up and pay-off, and ends with some very satisfying violence where notorious members of the Manson Family get a comeuppance they didn’t receive in real life. The novelization he wrote is much more of a “hang out book”. The set-up and pay-off is gone, and the climactic violence of the film is just mentioned in passing about a quarter of the way through. It’s such a non-issue, it’s almost enough to make you wonder why Manson Family scenes were even included in the book at all. With the action out of the way, Tarantino gets to dig deeper into the careers of actor Rick Dalton, his stuntman pal Cliff, and pretty much every actor around them. For page after page, Tarantino uses the book to show off his Encyclopedic knowledge of actors who appeared in classic films and TV shows – and along the way, basically commits character assassination on Cliff. Sure, it’s his character, he can do whatever he wants with him, but I did not like the book version of Cliff, who is a cold-blooded murderer and profited off dogfights. I don’t want this version of the character in my head when I watch the movie, so I could have done without the novelization.

DAMNED KIDS by Constantine Furman

Author Constantine Furman opens his novella Damned Kids with the warning “This Book Is Not for You”, but it’s likely to find some appreciative readers among horror fans. Especially horror fans who are in the age range of its teenage lead characters. The story takes place in the town of Hall Moon Bay, where a pair of high school students – Sonya and her new friend Amy – discover that something very strange is going on with their school’s art teacher and the jocks in the popular crowd. Soon enough characters are being stalked and attacked by shadowy figures that move around as supersonic blurs, and it’s clear that the popular kids have evil intentions.

The descriptive passages in this novella often read as if they could have come out of a screenplay, and it’s easy to imagine Damned Kids being a movie, something that could have played in theatres alongside the likes of Disturbing Behavior and The Faculty. Given certain scenes with art teacher Desiree Sherman, you could also see the story being spiced up even further and getting turned into something like Witchcraft 17: Hot for Teacher. But as a book, it’s a very quick and entertaining read. 

Much of the entertainment value comes from the adult Sonya and Amy seek help from: the local doctor, Al Cahill. He can not only diagnose your illness between rounds on the golf course, but he also has some knowledge of the occult and something known as the Evil Gene. Puffing on stogies, driving around in a 1977 Firebird, and dropping wisecracks, Cahill was the best thing about this book, and I would gladly read a whole series about this guy taking on the forces of evil.

WICKED SNARL by Stevie Jordan Pawminter

Wicked Snarl is the first in the series of “Danger Potato Mysteries”, and given the look of the dog on the cover and the tagline “The nose knows”, you might assume this is about a talking dog with the crime-solving skills of Sherlock Holmes. But that’s not the case. Danger Potato is a quirky little chiweenie, but she doesn’t talk. Nor does she take it upon herself to solve crimes. The character who actually gets wrapped up in trying to solve a mystery is Danger Potato’s caretaker Levon James – and he has good reason for trying to solve the mystery of his next door neighbor’s murder. Since the cranky woman had Animal Welfare make a visit to his apartment just hours before she was killed (she was concerned about the loud noises Danger Potato makes when Levon uses plastic wrap… Danger Potato hates plastic wrap...), Levon is the prime suspect.

Despite being a lifestyle blogger, Levon isn’t exactly adventurous. As evident from the fact that he has eaten at the same cafe every day for the two weeks he has lived in New Orleans. He’s an awkward, easily freaked-out fellow who isn’t really equipped to be dealing with serious crimes. But he has no other choice. And it’s a lot of fun to read about this guy bumbling his way through the mystery while surrounded by the interesting characters that frequent the cafe. He also finds some time to pursue a potential romantic relationship with an Animal Welfare officer along the way. His interactions with Danger Potato are quite amusing, and more animal shenanigans are provided by a cat called Bonaparte, who used to belong to the murder victim.

Author Stevie Jordan Pawminter (actually the pen name of two writers working together) did a great job of crafting an amusing, intriguing mystery. The reader will probably figure out who the perpetrator is several pages before Levon does, but that doesn’t take away from the entertainment. My enjoyment was enhanced by the fact that I have seen video of the real-life Danger Potato (whose name is Stuntman Mike) in action, and know that she does indeed have a crazy reaction to the sight of plastic wrap.

I’m on board to read every Danger Potato story “Pawminter” wants to tell.

HALLOWEEN 4: THE RETURN OF MICHAEL MYERS by Nicholas Grabowsky

I’ve always been a fan of the concept of novelizations. For some reason, I really like to read prose versions of movies I’m already familiar with. Occasionally I’ll find that the novelization goes in directions I’m not happy with, but for the most part they’re fun reading experiences. Since Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers is my favorite of the Halloween sequels, I decided to celebrate the Halloween season nine months early and read the Halloween 4 novelization by Nicholas Grabowsky. I really enjoyed this one, as it features good representations of the characters I know and love from the screen and sticks closely to the flow of the movie. There are some small additions here and there (Grabowsky keeps the drunken Reverend who gives Doctor Loomis a ride around a little longer), and the more recently published “Ultimate” edition of the novelization includes a prologue and epilogue that wasn’t in the book when it was first released in 1988. One thing I love about Halloween 4 is how perfectly it captures the atmosphere of Halloween in the Midwest, and I felt that Grabowsky was able to bring that same feeling to his prose take on the story.

NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD '90: THE VERSION YOU'VE NEVER SEEN by Tom Savini

This was a very easy book to get through quite quickly, because it’s largely made up of images. Legendary special effects artist has said that the Night of the Living Dead remake he directed back in 1990 only reflects around forty percent of the vision he initially had for the film – so in an effort to get his full vision across to fans, he teamed up with Mike Watt of Happy Cloud Publishing to put together this book, which contains all of the storyboards he had drawn up for the production. The blocks of storyboards are accompanied by caption commentary from Savini, explaining what the images are showing us and what he wanted to accomplish with each moment. I enjoy Night '90 as it is, but it is clear from looking through this book that the movie could have been a little better if Savini had been able to do what he wanted to do. It would have been more suspenseful, and would have featured some extra moments of cool zombie action. This book is worth checking out to see what could have been.

STREET WALKIN' MAN by Constantine Furman

Set in a fictional Ohio city where everyone talks like they’re in a crime film set in New York, Street Walkin’ Man is a gangster story that also draws some clear inspiration from Rocky – and kind of reads like a pondering of what it might have been like if Rocky didn’t have the boxing career to turn to, and instead liked roughing people up for loan shark Tony Gazzo. The Rocky stand-in here is John Fetaccini, whose job is to get money from people who owe mob boss Cicci Colone... and beat them up if they don’t cooperate. John also takes the occasional side job that involves knocking people around. When he’s not working, he’s hanging out with his girlfriend Cora Secillia, a waitress by day and a ring girl at MMA fights by night. Cora is plagued by nightmares that John’s violent occupation is going to have terrible repercussions for both of them, and I won’t say whether or not that happens, but I will confirm what anyone who reads the book will be expecting: things do go wrong. And it might have something to do with a gang led by a character with the absurd name of Crimilicious. 

I tend to be put off by entertainment that deals with gangsters, but Street Walkin’ Man was an enjoyable read. It has all the violence and tough guy talk you expect from the average gangster tale, and in between all that it’s obvious that Constantine Furman had a good time writing the relationship banter between John and Cora. There’s a reason why the images on the front and back cover (and even one inside the book) are all focused on John and Cora, not on any of the gangster stuff. 

It does take quite a long time for things to fall apart, and there could have been more excitement, danger, and pay-off when John’s life goes out of control. The book works well enough as it is, but I’m also left with the feeling that there could have been a more interesting version of it with some tweaks here and there. And if Crimilicious had a less ridiculous name.

GUN UP by Scott S. Phillips

The cover of this book informs us that it’s a “Boone Butters Novella”, but it’s a novella with an interesting structure in that each chapter serves as its own short Boone Butters adventure. So in this one book you get five different stories that link together and tell one big story. Each of the five chapters is highly entertaining on its own, which makes the entirety of Gun Up a very enjoyable reading experience.

Boone Butters is our unlikely hero, an obese man who works “odd jobs and what not”, with a medical condition that causes his chest to fill up with “crud” and leave him short of breath, unintentionally whistling when he can breathe, and talking in a high-pitched voice when he’s excited. He also has a tendency to pass out when he exerts himself. With his roommate Shandi – and occasionally some other pals – by his side, he starts taking jobs that really lean into the “odd” part of the “odd jobs” description. Over the course of the book, these jobs include tracking people down, warning people to stay away from people or locations, delivering a car from New Mexico to California (and making the mistake of looking in the trunk along the way), and even hanging out on the set of an adult film production to make sure the producer/male talent doesn’t get out of hand. Boone comes into contact with a lot of quirky, sometimes bizarre characters while doing his job, and earns enemies that start to make his line of work incredibly dangerous.

I had a lot of fun reading Gun Up and am left hoping to read many more Boone Butters stories in the future. The last chapter leaves the door wide open for Boone and Shandi to have further adventures, and I want to know all about them.

MAN WITH CHIHUAHUA by Scott S. Phillips

If Almost Famous filmmaker Cameron Crowe were to make a movie about a man who’s afraid of dogs learning to love and care for an awesome little Chihuahua (and since he made We Bought a Zoo, why not make a dog movie too?), the result would probably be something like Scott S. Phillips’ Man With Chihuahua. The story introduces the reader to Adam Stuart, a disgraced music journalist who mentally creates a soundtrack for any given situation in his life – and therefore there are a whole lot of songs mentioned throughout the pages of this book. Although Adam is terrified of dogs, thanks to a traumatic situation that occurred when he was a teenager, his girlfriend Greta brings home a chihuahua to foster in their apartment while a rescue tries to find it a forever home. Greta then quickly ditches both Adam and the dog, who Adam names Decker (a Star Trek reference)… and while it takes our hero a shockingly long time to realize he has an awful girlfriend, it doesn’t take him very long to warm up to the little dog he now shares a home with.

But just like any love story, this one has its ups and downs, and Adam – aided by a unique bunch of characters that includes classic rock roadie Curtis, a Deadhead named Sonia, and the members of a band called Toadmaster – will soon have to go to extreme lengths to make sure Decker remains in his life.

Man With Chihuahua is an amusing, adorable read that will be especially entertaining for dog fans. I have been pals with two chihuahuas in my time, so I could totally understand Adam’s devotion to the tiny beast that unexpectedly entered his life. Phillips wrote this as a tribute to his own beloved Decker, and his affection for the real-life pooch really comes through in his writing. If you like dogs and music, this book is a must-read.

ALFRED HITCHCOCK AND THE MAKING OF PSYCHO by Stephen Rebello 

There was some confusion about what events happened in which month in the copy I read of this book, but that’s a minor flaw in what I found to be a very interesting read. Pretty much everything you could possibly want to know about the making of Alfred Hitchcock’s 1960 classic Psycho, Stephen Rebello has packed into the 300 pages of this book. It covers everything, going back to the crimes committed by Ed Gein, newspaper reports of which inspired Robert Bloch to write the Psycho novel. It goes on from there: Hitchcock acquiring the film rights, pre-production, casting, production, release. Psycho is one of the best horror movies ever made, from one of the all-time greatest filmmakers, so it’s great that Rebello put together such a thorough document on what it took to bring it into the world.

A SPECTER TALE by Constantine Furman

A Specter Tale begins with a dedication to the genre directors, actors, and writers whose work inspired it: Mario Bava, Barbara Steele, Don Coscarelli, Terence Fisher, Wes Craven, John Carpenter, Veronica Lazar, Michio Yamamoto, and Alvin Schwartz. But there are at least two more names that should be on that list: Danny Steinmann and Rachel Talalay. That’s because there are sections in the book that were clearly directly inspired by moments in Friday the 13th: A New Beginning and Freddy’s Dead. In fact, there’s one scene that’s basically just a revision of one of my favorite moments in Steinmann’s Friday the 13th sequel, an interaction between a sheriff and a mayor.

The story is set in the town of Layford, Nebraska, which is said to be haunted by the spirit of Natali Stretesky, the Layford Specter. She was a murderer in her living days, but since being taken out by a mob of vigilantes she has gotten even more powerful… and she wants revenge. So it’s sort of like a female twist on A Nightmare on Elm Street, with the shapeshifting Natali going around Layford and knocking off the people who were responsible for her death. And the people around them. Dropped into the middle of this is Moira Sanders, host of the TV show Unearthly: Into the Unexplained, who has come to Layford – accompanied by a couple crew members and her skeptic boyfriend – to look into the legend of the Layford Specter.

Like some of the other Constantine Furman books I’ve read, this is one where you can tell at times that it started off as a screenplay then got reworked into a novel. Some of the descriptive passages still read a lot like a script. But A Specter Tale is an enjoyable read nonetheless, a quick telling of a familiar story with some nice moments of supernatural horror.